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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Do you know where I can get some boxes?

When we found the new apartment, that little corner came into focus again.

Just a tiny jagged corner to get around. The one where you have to tiptoe around broken glass and rusty lockjaw-promising nails, while people are sling-shooting massive turds at you from every direction.

This little corner involved seeing the apartment and feeling my weak hope swell up from a buried place in my stomach and come up into my face and take over my mouth and my eyes, turning me into an infidel to my own good reason and experience. It involved sleepless nights of pretending it was from all the coffee I had drunk and not from the worrying that we wouldn't get it, that it wasn't all going to turn around for us, that the person that had it on hold would end up taking it.

Once it became ours for the taking, it involved hours of worrying that we would get our drawers yanked down -- once again -- by greedy mother fuckers, like the time we made a full price offer we couldn't afford on that flat in the old Jewish quarters and they said they now wanted more. (Side note of vengeance: three years later that flat sits unsold. And I try very very hard to push away fantasies of that fucker's skin rotting off and being unable to afford a dermatologist cause he can't sell his stupid flat). Or when we found the perfect penthouse on the Alameda to rent and they called us and said the flat was ours for just 300 more bucks a month. (And I try very hard to dismiss the images in my mind of the person's face getting the shit rocked out of it by my imaginary fist).

On tippy-toes we cut through the mine field armed with not caring too much if we lost another limb. Yup, just me and Stumpy. We can get by feeding each other with the toes we still have left between the two of us, we don't need anything more than this. Besides, I'm actually starting to think that the cockroaches the size of dump trucks that hang out everyday in our bathroom are kinda cute.

And so, pretending we were indifferent, shoving the feeling that bad luck was somehow following us into the back of our mind, pretending we weren't expecting lightning to strike our goddamn pen, we signed the lease.

I've been unable to sweep my thoughts up into the dustpan and find, amongst all the dirt and cat hair, the tiny missing screw holding my fucking life together.

But I think I can get to sweeping now. As soon as I get all this shit packed.

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Florida Girl In Sydney November 22, 2009 at 5:08 AM  

Um, congrats?

Chris of Arabia November 22, 2009 at 6:45 AM  

Are you off somewhere then?

Blues November 22, 2009 at 8:04 AM  

Shit, I'm being cryptic aren't I? First of all, yes, congrats, Florida Girl, I am really happy right now although quite possibly my post didn't come across that way.

Chris, I'm just off across town, but I think it will be a world of difference.

jen November 22, 2009 at 10:53 AM  

new beginnings hold all possibilities.

wishing you the best in your new flat.

formerly fun November 22, 2009 at 2:00 PM  

Yeah for you and Stumpy. Fresh perspective is a wonderful thing, as is finally getting one to go your way.

flutter November 22, 2009 at 2:34 PM  

this sounds so hopeful!

Rassles November 23, 2009 at 11:12 AM  

I think your cryptic-ness...crypticism? Crypticographiness? Whatever.

Is pleasant.

Rassles November 23, 2009 at 11:18 AM  

Sometimes I miss having cockroaches, but not because I miss the cockroaches - it's because I miss one-upping people when they try to describe the horrible shape of their apartment. I miss going, "Yeah, I totally understand, I have a cockroach colony thriving in my kitchen. I named the leader Ben. He's damn near the size of a rat."

Ellie November 24, 2009 at 1:19 PM  

Congratulations ... or condolences (you won't be seeing your foreign - swedish? - neighbour though the windows anymore. ;-)

Pueblo girl November 25, 2009 at 12:50 PM  

Congratulations, but commiserations too - I've just spent the last six weeks moving (didn't think it would be possible to drag it out so long, but beloved showed me otherwise), and right now, moving is high on my list of what hell might be like. Still, glad you got the flat you wanted, and good luck!

Here In Franklin November 25, 2009 at 7:25 PM  

You know, there's a dead bird in my fireplace (behind the glass doors). Not sure how long it's been there, since we just got back from Japan last night. Husband promises he'll get it out before our Thanksgiving guests arrive tomorrow. All this to say, I hate cockroaches, but I can ignore a dead bird behind glass doors in the fireplace for quite a while. Sick I am.

People in the Sun November 25, 2009 at 8:18 PM  

Pssst... here's a secret: You deserve to have good things happen to you. Congratulations.

Sid November 26, 2009 at 1:24 AM  

Yep ... Also slightly confused as to whether I should be contragulating you or saying my condolences.

CP December 1, 2009 at 9:43 PM  

Loved this post. Made me laugh out loud...or maybe it was an anxiety laden chuckle.

I know the angst you're feeling.


Not Afraid to Use It December 2, 2009 at 11:29 PM  

I think there are fewer things more nerve wracking than bidding on a place to live. Esp. in places where people bid up. I hope you love it and feel settled sooner rather than later.

A Free Man December 4, 2009 at 6:29 PM  

See if you can find my screw as well, will you?

God moving sucks. I hope we don't have to do it again for a while.

Yo Momma December 5, 2009 at 11:01 PM  

ah! Congrats!! Have a good and swift move! I had the same worry but guess what? I'm moving too - just 10 minutes away from where I am right now but almost $1000 cheaper than what we are paying, which is going to give us so much room to breath financially.

Mongoliangirl December 10, 2009 at 8:04 AM  

Just across town and a world of difference.

Fned January 1, 2010 at 6:26 AM  

FELIZ ANO (don't you love it when the ENE doesn't exist on a keyboard?)!!!!!

Here's hoping 2010 is a wonderful year for Luisito and you... wherever you are. =)


Pueblo girl January 5, 2010 at 7:40 AM  

Guess you're busy with your boxes. Best wishes for the New Year.

Tobi January 18, 2010 at 8:39 AM  

I am getting a little impatient here Blues. Just so you know.

tysdaddy January 25, 2010 at 6:48 AM  

Just checking in after an extended break from blogging. Hope your move went well. Are you on FB or Twitter? Maybe we could keep in touch that way . . .

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