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Monday, November 1, 2010

Titles are crap. Do you require a title if we're just sitting there? No.

So can we just act like we're hanging out having a coffee? And can I just say straight away that I'm not fucking using my thesaurus today because when people have coffee together they don't whip out their thesaurus to try to express themselves just so. And don't expect even so much as a spellcheck out of me today. If we're having coffee together, I assume you are interested in me and even if you can't identify with my predicament, you don't require that I spin you round a wordy flying saucer adventure, do you? I just have to talk and I don't even care at this point how it comes out.

Because through all of this shit I'm going through, I forgot that I need my friends, and more than any of my real friends, I need my internet friends: you. And them.

So, remember that one thing where I do that really animal thing but then for some reason no little homo sapiens appear? Well my doctor just told me that Luisito and I are the equivalent of a dog humping a stuffed animal on the living room floor, the uncooperative stuffed animal with the missing ear being me. Well, that’s not exactly the case. I’m actually more like a stuffed animal with a tiny pathetic pulse that makes the dog so crazy he chases his own tail in between humpings: I have ‘diminished fertility’. I gather that means I get to listen to approximately 108 more enlightened individuals tell me that I just need to ‘relax’. Believe me f-tards, I couldn’t be more relaxed if I were stuffed with latex.

Stupid font bullshit I don't care.

The scare tactics, which I'm fully aware were scare tactics, of the fertility clinic have worked on me and we've signed our infertile asses up for full in vitro and yes I feel conflicted about the whole damn thing to the point where I'm unable to even write about the conflicting feelings, but there they are and this is where I stop the post because this is just so fucking inadequate as far as posts go.

Can we do this another day?


Maybe I explain myself better here.

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Florida Girl In Sydney November 1, 2010 at 4:51 AM  

Hmmm, and after all that you couldn't say the word "fucktards"?

I have so many friends who have babies-- twins at that-- through invitro and have the kids they were waiting so long for... and they are so happy. I have other friends who've adopted, and then the one who got pregnant the month their adopted baby came to them. It's crazy... but bottom line is, if you want a child-- one way or another, it will happen for you... and how it happened will not be important at all. I hope all that I just spewed didn't sound totally insensitive-- cause I can be, but I don't think it was so, okay-- bye now.

Rassles November 1, 2010 at 9:28 AM  


Fuck or kill?


You want to make babies on purpose, and I fully support having more of you on this planet. Super support that. BUT! and this is a big butt. Babies are dumb. What is a girl to do? I'm bamboozled.

I heart you and think you should do everything you can to be fruitful and multiply.

Blues November 1, 2010 at 9:48 AM  

FGIS - f-tards really expresses it a lot better than fucktards. Really. It's like they're just f-tards, they're not full on fucktards. Ya know? But please please please don't say the T-word. I so do not want two of everything.

Rassles - I gotta hand it to you. In all of my woes and complaining about not getting pregnant, not a single person has responded that 'babies are dumb'. You win on originality as usual.

formerly fun November 1, 2010 at 10:10 AM  

FGIS is right, all my friends that took advanced measures of any kind were happy they did when they got their dumb babies. don't feel conflicted about using science to correct a biological snafu. Sorry they spooked you but you want a baby so get a baby.

and write more like this, I care more about whats going on with you than your thesauras. See I used improper grammer and spellin just 4 u.

Blues November 1, 2010 at 10:13 AM  

FF - I will. I've given up on this blog being a serious writing endeavor anyway, obviously. I almost forgot my url.

I'm trying to piece together my conflicted feelings for another post.

The Unbearable Banishment November 1, 2010 at 2:57 PM  

That's a great piece you wrote and I would encourage everyone to click over and read it.

I walk around NYC and all I see are kids with kids. It's tragic and dumb.

My sister-in-law got pregnant via in vitro about nine years ago and they said it was totally worth it.

Tobi November 1, 2010 at 3:19 PM  

Nothing relaxes me like giving someone a good face punch. I highly recommend it.

As for the baby making thing, I am totally talking out my ass right now, but I bet that about five minutes after you get a baby it won’t matter where it came from, or how it got here, then twenty years later, you will be trying to figure out how to make the fucking thing go away—Trust me on the last part.

Shagnasty November 1, 2010 at 4:09 PM  

I can totally understand how you might be conflicted about it, but once you have a baby, who the fuck cares how you got it?

Also, I only use the thesaurus when I'm writing reviews. Like if I sound smart, then it somehow makes me an expert on whatever I'm talking about, therefore my review is completely valid and no one to argue with me. Internet mental bullying, I guess.

Here In Franklin November 3, 2010 at 7:54 AM  

Not using IVF is like not using chemo. Take every advantage that science provides. Why wouldn't you use every means available--from turkey basters to test tubes--to get what you spend every waking hour wanting?

[Formerly Known As...] November 6, 2010 at 1:16 PM  

Man... And the fonts got small just when you needed to scream!

kate November 7, 2010 at 12:56 PM  

So glad to see you pop up in my feed reader again, but man, so sorry that you are going through this. Sucks! Keep writing and reaching out. And I'll be thinking of you!

A Free Man November 11, 2010 at 2:25 PM  

I quite like titles. Oops, that came out 'titties' before I corrected it. Freudian? I've got nothing to say to make you feel better, but that isn't what you're after anyway is it? Sometimes life is a big old flabby Catholic nun of a bitch. Full of fucktards.

Kono November 18, 2010 at 6:17 PM  

I've thought about this post for awhile now, read the other one, fuck those idiots and their fucking advice, do what you have to do and i'll cross my fingers and hope it works out for you, from what i've read you deserve it and the world needs people like you to have kids, got a feeling you'd make a stellar mom and that handsome Spaniard and fine daddy, so keep the chin up and block out the morons.

neil wykes November 22, 2010 at 6:20 AM  

Wow I'm at another conversation I have nothing to relate to :)

I like coffee?

Luck, gods, fairies, babies or whatever you want.

I'm gonna start burning shit soon. you're welcome to join me.

Perovskia December 6, 2010 at 12:11 PM  

Sometimes I don't like using titles, too.


LadyHAHA January 15, 2011 at 9:17 PM  

It truly boggles my mind that awesome person like you need a little help in the baby making department (which by the way, so you need a little help, big deal, a baby is a baby no matter how it got the world ya dig?) ...BUT idiot pop kids out left and write, then go on Maury to find out who the baby daddy is. I'm scared the stupids are going to overpopulate the earth, so please my dear. Do what you have to do to create a awesome human being with your wonderful husband. We cannot let the stupid take over!!! :)

PicklePits February 3, 2011 at 5:38 AM  

May I suggest you do what I do?

That is, run outside and scream bloody murder like a stark, raving lunatic.

Dunno why, but it works for me.

Mother Theresa February 27, 2011 at 11:25 AM  

Got here by way of PicklePits. I like conversations over coffee, without titles,spellcheckers or a thesaurus, so talk away. And I am not even going to try to tell you what you should do, because I really have no idea, but I'll listen all you want.

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