Blog Archive

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Mixed Tape

Every time I go home to Arizona for a visit, I walk through my mother's door, tired and worn down from the long journey and I take the load off my sore shoulders from all of my many heavy bags and I plop them down on the ground in the guest room, glad to be in familiar surroundings. I stare at the wooden chest my father gave me and it stares back at me, beckoning me to toss aside the doilies and the tacky ceramic figurines and coffee table books my mother has placed on top of it, open it up, inhale the distinctive cedar fragrance, and remember.

But the thought of opening it and becoming acutely aware of time, and in my case space, makes me gulp slightly for extra air. Besides, I don't have to open it up to know that underneath the Guinness coaster I kept from a pub in Ireland, the U2 ticket stub from the 1993 tour, the embarrassingly immature letters exchanged with friends or exes, and the incense burner that once filled a cozy apartment with hippie aroma, underneath it all, surely somewhere at the bottom of that chest, tucked inside an old shoebox, there must be a long lost mixed tape.

That mixed tape, if it is there as I suspect it is, would have survived the many moves and shifts of home. It would have escaped being accidentally placed in the box of cassettes to be sold at the garage sale which a brave mystery shopper would gamble a whopping 15 cents for, not knowing what would be on it. It would have somehow survived the brutal, tidying hands of my sister who had no idea how much fleeting feeling had gone into this delicate piece of plastic and wheels and coils of tape when by mere chance she tossed it absentmindedly into the 'junk to keep' pile as opposed to the 'trash' or 'Good Will' pile.

Mixed taping is quite a forgotten art, isn't it?

No, it is not the same as burning someone a CD or sharing a playlist or sending someone a YouTube link. It just isn't.

MP3 playlists don't have the folded flap to be filled in with ever-so-neatly executed tiny penmanship, perhaps even a second draft, with the first flap having been tossed because a right mess was made of it, and a new one having been stolen from a fresh unused tape so it would be just right.

Burned CDs don't have that clicking noise on the tape between the songs where years later someone, a real person, can be heard carefully pushing pause after having run back into the room near the song's end, conjuring up the images of the tape-maker fumbling through all of the CDs laid out on the floor in front of the stereo. You can imagine how the tape-maker pored over the CDs painstakingly one by one, to identify the best of the best of their songs with just the right lyrics sending just the right message to the recipient of the mixed tape. Runner-up songs that didn't make the mixed tape cut would be eliminated distressingly, but only after much indecision. An entire Saturday would be killed to create this musical anthology as a parting gift, crafted as the perfect compilation of ardor and devotion turned to the foreshadowing of absence and recognition of the fate of circumstance.

Maybe that mixed tape would be exchanged during a good-bye with a quivering voice awkwardly saying:

"I want you to take this tape I made you...and I want you to just listen to it."

And words would be giant jagged stones to be tripped over and fallen onto and injured by accidentally. Because the compiler of the tape was afraid that muttered words would be the wrong ones, coming out in the wrong way without a fraction of the eloquence of the composers of the songs on the tape. But this tape was also an insurance policy of sorts because if feelings changed, words were too committal, whereas, a song's true meaning could be easily questioned, or its inclusion on the tape could be justified based on musical appeal alone, having nothing to do with its lyrics.

But maybe the recipient would forgive the tape-maker for borrowing sentiments from songwriters, unable to say anything original from within and with decision. She would listen with wonder, looking for clues, as if the tape-maker had actually been the one who had written all of the lyrics. Maybe the recipient would listen to that tape that very night again and again, Side A, Side B, Side A, Side B...

And maybe the recipient would sink into her seat on her first international flight ever, and buckle herself in for a long flight and maybe she would put on her headphones and let the mixed tape soothe her excited mind.

She would listen without an inkling that this tape that contained so much intent and emotion, would soon be forgotten, the compiler would soon forget having ever made it.

She would not envision that after much listening and much rewinding and fast forwarding of the tape and undertaking many repair procedures with the careful precision of a chewed up pencil, she would soon tire of listening to it, and might even stick her nose up to that kind of music later.

She would not foresee that as the months passed, the original meaning of the songs, reflecting the momentary feelings of the tape-maker, would be lost to her and the songs would take on new meaning for her somewhere else across the world.

When she gently pulled the flap out of the case that she had placed into the seat back pocket of the plane, she would admire the craftsmanship that went into its careful inscription, and she would be wholly unaware that it would soon enough get misplaced, leaving only the tape floating around unlabeled and unprotected to be tossed into an old shoebox and thrown at the bottom of a cedar trunk somewhere to never feel the rotating spindles of a cassette player again, to mix and possibly unravel among the other junk and memorabilia, just like any other artifact of an ordinary past.

"I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in" by Hryck from Flickr
"TDK C90" by
Status Frustration from Flickr
"Cassette" by
Tania.Paz from Flickr

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Mongoliangirl July 23, 2009 at 3:07 PM I'm going to have to go find that old mixed tape I have from '90 called 'Foo Foo Special Songs & Sadness'.
Thanks for the reminder, Blues.
You are one hell of a deliciously twisted sistah.

The Unbearable Banishment July 23, 2009 at 5:46 PM  

There's a hilarious musical called Avenue Q and in it is a hilarious song called Mix Tape. Here are the lyrics.

ZenMom July 23, 2009 at 7:25 PM  

Mmmm. I'm all nostaligic now. Lovely.

People in the Sun July 23, 2009 at 11:13 PM  

You know, there are tapes I made or others made for me, with recordings from skipping vinyl, and with songs I heard every day but haven't heard since I stopped listening to tapes. Which means there are songs that will forever skip at the same spot.

Blues July 24, 2009 at 9:29 AM  

@Foofoo special songs? Awwwwwwww...cuteness.

@Unbearable, those are funny and expresses exactly the kind of ambiguity I'm talking about with mixed tapes.

@zenmom - was feeling that way myself, maybe it's my upcoming trip home.

@PITS - Same here. Not the vinyl, but knowing a song exclusively based on a mixed tape, where a little bit of the next song on the CD starts to play before the tape-maker pushed pause and now when hearing the song later, noticing the missing little clip of the next song, as it was heard on the mixtape, and how I hear it in my head.

Xbox4NappyRash July 26, 2009 at 6:04 AM  

Flashbacks of Simply Red and Guns n'Roses.

Lovely that.

Noble Savage July 26, 2009 at 10:55 PM  

Ah, the mixed tape. I used to make a series of them in junior high called "Depression" for people who had just been dumped. I was a master of orchestrating the soundtrack to others' heartbreak. My mother claims to still have them somewhere. I really need to have her dig them out as I have a tape player in my car (and yes, my car is from the 21st century; I'm as baffled as anyone else) and would love to listen to them again. I'm pretty sure "Don't Cry" by GNR features heavily.

A Free Man July 27, 2009 at 3:17 AM  

It's a lost art, planted in front of the component stereo, headphones on - rewinding, recording. So much though went into those bad boys. The mix tape was my primary courting tool from about 1985 - 1993 or so. I wasn't successful often, but when I was - it was the fucking mix tape.

Mister Crowley July 27, 2009 at 4:44 AM  

A lost art indeed. This made me dig up all my mix tapes, with the neat, handwritten inlays.

And I think most of mine featured Paranoid.

Blues July 27, 2009 at 10:12 AM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Blues July 27, 2009 at 10:14 AM  

@Xbox - Simply Red...oh boy, haven't thought of that in awhile...that and GNR was sort of pre-mixed tape days for me. My mixed tapes had Nirvana and Dinosaur Jr and the Pixies. I guess I was just too fucking cool for school.

@Noble Savage - a mixed tape called "Depression", hu? That sounds, well, depressing.

@AFreeman, when I wrote this, I knew you would identify with it and imagined that you had made many a mixed tape in your day. Yes, the mixed tape was a rite of passage in relationships in the 90's, wasn't it?

@Mister Crowley - Hmmm, I'm curious to know how it was received. You know, I never really got a mixed tape that I didn't love from anyone. I guess the fact that we were exchanging mixed tapes meant that we liked each other and musical compatibility back then was at the top of the checklist of if I could like someone or not. So in order for me to like them, we already had to share musical tastes, rendering the mixed tape a little silly, muscially and really only an exchange of sappy sentiment.

Ellie July 27, 2009 at 10:41 AM  

The subject makes me cross with indignation.

There was a boy. I was the girl. He was cool and from California. I was young and naive. I had never spoken to him before, but he stood out (he looked like Bono, and this was the late 80's so that was cool) so I knew who he was.

One day he surprised me. He approached me to give me a mixed tape. I was flattered and smitten and became a puppy dog.

Only later did I learn he had made a bet with the boys in his house that he could get me to sleep with him.

I didn't fully sleep with him ... just a little clitonesque almost sex. Humiliating nonetheless.

Fucking mixed tapes.

Sorry to be a downer.

You know, I had forgotten about this episode in my life until just now. It's a good thing to remember. Even if it's mildly annoying. Thanks for jogging my memory. xx e

jen July 27, 2009 at 10:46 AM  

i made many mixed tapes. but even better was getting them.

two in particular, i can still remember, track by track, even though the tapes have long since been lost. mixtapes were carefully crafted soundtracks for our lives. and no, nothing else will be the same.

Ginny July 27, 2009 at 10:59 AM  

Just thinking of my junior high mixtapes makes me cry.

I thought about writing a post about them. Then I read yours. You got it completely right.

Captain Steve July 28, 2009 at 11:16 AM  

The B-side of my favorite was the boy singing. So I guess it was only half a mix tape.

Anonymous July 28, 2009 at 11:20 AM  

No telling what's still in my childhood desk. It's still there at my mothers. I know what's in the closet though--poufy, pink bridesmaid dresses!!

Gypsy July 29, 2009 at 6:02 AM  

Oh man. Oh man this was good. Making a mix tape was so intentional then, you know? It required so much more effort than it does now. Now you can just point and click and print. Then it was buttons and rewinding and planning it out ahead of time because you can't just shuffle songs around on a tape.

Only one boy has ever given me a mix tape. And I remember it still, I remember the songs (Somebody by Depeche Mode) and the doodles on the paper insert. Where the hell is that thing now?

Rassles July 29, 2009 at 9:48 AM  

I've never gotten a mix tape in my life, but in 1997 I bought a hundred blank tapes and I still made tapes for people until about a year and a half ago.

And I have all of mine, and I still listen to them.

This was fucking good, dude.

Not Afraid to Use It July 30, 2009 at 7:15 AM  

You captured this perfectly. I actually came across a mix tape at my parents' house during my last visit. I made a playlist for my player, but you are right. It just doesn't have the same vibe.

Funnily enough, I started a Mix Tap blog last year when I couldn't get the idea of theme-based music out of my mind. Check it out sometime and add some of your favorites.

Florida Girl In Sydney July 31, 2009 at 1:45 AM  

You brought me back so many memories of so many songs recorded for a boy I loved in high school. All that slow 90's music.... it's kind of making me sad.

Anonymous August 2, 2009 at 8:23 AM  

Ah, mix tapes. An old friend and I were talking about this very thing the other day. We used to set our boom boxes front-to-front, one on record and the other on playback, and sit real quiet, letting the music wash over us. We'd have contests, cueing up our favorite guitar solos and trying to stump each other as to who was playing.

I still have a few old mix tapes lying around, complete with the hand-drawn and scribbled liner notes.

What a glorious post . . .

It's been a while. I've been on a forced blogging hiatus and it's good to be back . . .

素人 September 24, 2009 at 10:42 AM  


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困っています。 December 4, 2009 at 11:57 AM  


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女に生れて来たからには!! December 18, 2009 at 10:21 AM  


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お家遊びに来てくれる人いないかなぁ? January 1, 2010 at 9:07 AM  


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旦那以外とエッチしたい January 8, 2010 at 10:59 AM  


神待ち January 9, 2010 at 10:32 AM  


出会い January 11, 2010 at 11:02 AM  

セフレ専門出会い喫茶エンジョイラブは店舗型出会い喫茶 ENJOYグループのネット1号店としてオープンしました♪セフレ探しを目的とした出会いの専門店です。Hに満足していない女性達が多数登録。今すぐ即アポOK表示のHな女の子を新着順で紹介中です

熟女 January 12, 2010 at 10:47 AM  

熟女だって性欲がある、貴方がもし人妻とSEXしてお金を稼ぎたいのなら、一度当サイトをご利用ください。当サイトには全国各地からお金持ちのセレブたちが集まっています。女性から男性への報酬は、 最低15万円からと決めております。興味のある方は一度当サイト案内をご覧ください

mコミュ January 13, 2010 at 11:45 AM  


天然娘 January 14, 2010 at 10:52 AM  


真剣に向き合ってはくれませんか? January 15, 2010 at 9:32 AM  


スタービーチ January 16, 2010 at 10:26 AM  


神待ち January 17, 2010 at 10:53 AM  


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セレブ January 19, 2010 at 10:29 AM  


彼氏募集 January 21, 2010 at 11:58 AM  


飲み友募集 January 22, 2010 at 4:26 PM  

飲み友探してまーす☆気軽に楽しく一緒に飲みに行きませんか?(*^_^*)そんなに強くはないけどね(*μ_μ) イイお店とか知ってたら案内してほしいです★時間は夜遅くでも空いてますよヽ(^o^)丿飲み友探しなんで二十歳以上の人限定ー(*・人・*) 年は23歳だよ!メールよろしくでーす!

スタービーチ January 23, 2010 at 1:56 PM  

新しくなったスタービーチは新しいであいのカタチを提案します★ あなたに出逢いたい人がここにいます。

神待ち January 24, 2010 at 1:18 PM  

神待ちサイト ガールズBBSは家出少女を救う神待ち専用の掲示板です!登録無料で家出少女と出会えるチャンス

勝ち組負け組チェッカー January 25, 2010 at 1:45 PM  


高額アルバイト January 26, 2010 at 12:49 PM  


スタービーチ January 27, 2010 at 2:17 PM  


高級セレブ January 28, 2010 at 10:59 AM  


メル友 January 29, 2010 at 10:19 AM  

変な性癖があるのはどう思いますか?私、獣姦とか好きなんです…いきなりこんな話驚きますよね…引きましたか?Σ(゜□゜(゜□゜*)野外とかにも興味があります!変態チックなのもたまにはいいですよ\(^-^ )こんな私にメールしてくれるとうれしいです。メールから色んな話しましょ(^_^)年上の人がいいです、私は27歳ですよ!それでは、メール待ってますね

ツイッター January 30, 2010 at 11:05 AM  


スタービーチ January 31, 2010 at 11:51 AM  


精神年齢チェッカー February 1, 2010 at 11:38 AM  


彼氏募集 February 2, 2010 at 11:51 AM  


モバゲー February 3, 2010 at 12:18 PM  


救援部 February 4, 2010 at 12:16 PM  


彼氏募集 February 5, 2010 at 12:14 PM  

今まで趣味とか仕事に夢中になってて気付いたら一人ぼっちで彼氏いなーい(_´Д`)恋愛からしばらく離れてたから…時々さびしくなっちゃったりするんだよね( p_q)同じくさびしーって人いる?けっこう甘えたりするところがあるから大人の人が好きだよ☆だから、年下はゴメンネ(。-人-。) メアドつけておくから気に入ってくれたらメールしてね!待ってまーす

コンパ February 6, 2010 at 12:00 PM  


スタービーチ February 7, 2010 at 12:41 PM  


素人 February 9, 2010 at 12:15 PM  


グリー February 10, 2010 at 12:57 PM  


家出 February 11, 2010 at 11:12 AM  


恋愛のこと教えてねヽ(^◇^*)/ February 12, 2010 at 11:26 AM  

仕事や趣味に夢中になってたらいつの間にか独りきりになってた…彼氏も長いこといなくて恋愛から離れてました( ´_ゝ`)そろそろ恋愛にも夢中になりたいけど男の子とどうせっしたらいいか教えて下さい(-^▽^-) 動物好きだから、年上で動物好きな人仲良くしてね(。・w・。 ) ペット連れて散歩なんていいよね!!まずはのんびりメールからお願いします

モバゲー February 13, 2010 at 11:35 AM  


gree February 14, 2010 at 11:50 AM  


¥倶楽部 February 15, 2010 at 11:47 AM  


モバゲー February 16, 2010 at 11:45 AM  


スタービーチ February 17, 2010 at 12:34 PM  


援助スポット February 18, 2010 at 11:22 AM  


恋愛 February 19, 2010 at 12:22 PM  

初めましていずみって言います☆1年半以上恋してません…(/∇≦\)元彼と付き合ってた時にあんまり会えなくて恋愛してた感じがなかった(;‾ ‾)それから臆病になってたけど長いこと彼がいないからそろそろホンキで恋したいなーなんて思ってますo(^-^o)けっこう天然入ってるから大人で引っ張ってくれる人で年上の人と仲良くしたいです☆気になった人はメールしてね

スタビ February 20, 2010 at 11:42 AM  


mコミュ February 21, 2010 at 1:30 PM  


モテる度チェッカー February 22, 2010 at 12:31 PM  


オナニー February 25, 2010 at 11:37 AM  


手料理 February 26, 2010 at 11:22 AM  

つい最近独り暮らし始めましたヾ(〃^∇^)ノお家で料理作っても食べてくれる人がいない(´−`)彼氏いないからあたしと過ごしてくれる人いませんか?手料理ごちそうするよぉ!よかったらメールして下さい(o~ー~)年下の人はゴメンネ…(*_ _)人メール待ってます♪

mコミュ February 27, 2010 at 10:56 AM  


スタービーチ February 28, 2010 at 11:22 AM  


ギャル March 2, 2010 at 6:01 PM  


モバゲー March 3, 2010 at 1:58 PM  


恋愛 March 5, 2010 at 1:43 PM  

毎日楽しい生活してても何かが足りないって思った時何が足りないか分かったの…O(≧▽≦)O それは恋愛だったんだ~って(苦笑)σ(^_^;)唯一、私にはなかったもの…彼氏がほし~い(>▽<;; フリーの人いませんか?私を恋人にして下さい♪♪仲良くなってどこかへ遊びに行きませんか?(≧▽≦;)明るい性格なので、一緒にいて楽しいと思います!!年下の人は苦手で仲良くなる自信がないので私より年上の人でお願いしますヽ(*´ー`)ゞ少しでも気になった人は今すぐにメール下さい♪

スタービーチ March 6, 2010 at 12:04 PM  


スタービーチ March 7, 2010 at 1:26 PM  


SM度チェッカー March 8, 2010 at 2:45 PM  


アダルトSNS March 9, 2010 at 2:30 PM  


メル友 March 11, 2010 at 2:10 PM  


恋愛 March 12, 2010 at 1:00 PM  

彼氏いない歴2年半になろうとしてます、なかなか相性の合う人と出会えず、好意をよせてくれる人もいたけどダメだった。 一緒にいて楽しくて落ち着く人と、仲良くなって恋愛したい!!甘えさせてくれる人がいいから、年下の人は私には向いてません。よろしくね!

モバゲー March 13, 2010 at 11:58 AM  


モバゲー March 14, 2010 at 12:29 PM  


高松宮記念 March 16, 2010 at 11:38 AM  


スタービーチ March 17, 2010 at 11:27 AM  


競馬予想 March 18, 2010 at 9:55 AM  

2010 競馬予想 各厩舎・調教師から届けられる最強の馬券情報を限定公開!本物の オッズ 表はコレだ

友達 March 19, 2010 at 11:35 AM  

よく「彼氏いるでしょ~?」って言われるけど、イナイよσ(‾^‾)トモダチ集めてホームパーティーなんかしたりするのがマイブームでして♪♪好きな人ができてもハズかしくて告れない…(>_< )しゅりのココロをゲットしてぇ~☆コドモっぽい性格だから年上でお兄ちゃんみたいな人がタイプだよ(*^m^*)

スタービーチ March 21, 2010 at 12:13 PM  


オナニー March 23, 2010 at 12:13 PM  


モバゲー March 24, 2010 at 1:38 PM  


セレブラブ March 25, 2010 at 12:11 PM  


友達 March 26, 2010 at 10:29 AM  

変わってるって言われるけどわりといい人だよ(笑)!!お笑い好きな人だったら話盛り上がりそうだねO(≧▽≦)O 色んなことに興味深々でおっちょこちょいだからそばで支えてくれる人募集中σ(゜-^*)自分の年齢的に年下の男の子はアウトだからごめんね(*_ _)人

スタービーチ March 27, 2010 at 9:56 AM  


スタービーチ March 28, 2010 at 11:17 AM  


人生の値段チェッカー March 29, 2010 at 12:38 PM  


桜花賞 March 30, 2010 at 2:27 PM  


モバゲー March 31, 2010 at 2:11 PM  


スタービーチ April 1, 2010 at 12:26 PM  

新しくなったスタービーチは新しいであいのカタチを提案します★ あなたに出逢いたい人がここにいます

モバゲー April 4, 2010 at 11:46 AM  


モテる度チェッカー April 5, 2010 at 10:44 AM  


皐月賞 April 6, 2010 at 11:18 AM  


モバげー April 7, 2010 at 11:16 AM  


セフレ April 8, 2010 at 10:12 AM  


出会い April 10, 2010 at 10:35 AM  


スタービーチ April 11, 2010 at 11:40 AM  


エッチ度チェッカー April 12, 2010 at 11:18 AM  


スタービーチ April 14, 2010 at 12:38 PM  


スタービーチ April 15, 2010 at 11:39 AM  


さいきん、お仕事が April 16, 2010 at 11:52 AM  


スタビ April 17, 2010 at 10:39 AM  


スタービーチ April 18, 2010 at 12:19 PM  


天皇賞 April 20, 2010 at 11:39 AM  

天皇賞 春 2010 予想、オッズ、厳選買い目は?この時期のメインイベントの一つのレースがやってきた!!今年の狙うべきポイントは

モバゲー April 21, 2010 at 11:31 AM  


友達 April 23, 2010 at 11:58 AM  


モバゲー April 24, 2010 at 10:17 AM  


スタービーチ April 25, 2010 at 11:58 AM  


NHKマイルカップ April 27, 2010 at 12:28 PM  


スタービーチ April 28, 2010 at 9:21 AM  


NHKマイルC April 29, 2010 at 11:23 AM  

NHKマイルC 2010 予想、オッズ、厳選買い目は?今年の狙うべきポイントを限定公開!

友達 April 30, 2010 at 10:29 AM  


スタービーチ May 2, 2010 at 10:13 AM  
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Hチェッカー May 3, 2010 at 12:20 PM  


ツイッター May 5, 2010 at 2:52 PM  


ヴィクトリアマイル 2010 May 6, 2010 at 1:14 PM  

ヴィクトリアマイル 2010 予想、オッズ、厳選買い目は?人気が平然と馬券に絡む理由とは

恋人 May 7, 2010 at 11:44 AM  


ヴィクトリアマイル May 8, 2010 at 11:12 AM  

ヴィクトリアマイル 2010 予想、オッズ、厳選買い目は?今年の波乱をズバリ!確勝買い目公開中!大穴狙いのギャンブラー必見激アツ情報

モバゲー May 9, 2010 at 12:23 PM  


SM度チェッカー May 10, 2010 at 12:45 PM  


オークス May 11, 2010 at 12:01 PM  

オークス 2010 予想 オッズ 出走馬 枠順で厳選買い目は?今年の波乱をズバリ!確勝買い目公開中!優駿牝馬はこれでもらったも同然

オークス 2010 May 13, 2010 at 12:28 PM  

オークス 2010 予想 オッズ 出走馬 枠順で万馬券も夢じゃない?人気が平然と馬券に絡む理由とは!?今年の優駿牝馬は荒れるのか

友達 May 14, 2010 at 12:55 PM  


トゥイッター May 15, 2010 at 11:52 AM  


スタービーチ May 16, 2010 at 12:54 PM  


名言チェッカー May 17, 2010 at 12:08 PM  


日本ダービー May 18, 2010 at 12:53 PM  

第77回 日本ダービー 2010 予想、オッズ、厳選買い目は?今年の波乱をズバリ!確勝買い目公開中!結果を出す前に結果がまるわかり

スタービーチ May 19, 2010 at 10:40 AM  


日本ダービー May 20, 2010 at 9:19 AM  

第77回 日本ダービー 2010 予想、オッズ、厳選買い目は?人気が平然と馬券に絡む理由とは!?見事に展開を読んで結果を的中させる

出会い May 21, 2010 at 11:26 AM  


モバゲー May 22, 2010 at 1:59 PM  


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